


hold me close and i won't leave (cause it hurts when you hurt somebody)

by dc_wlw



Series: Bemily Week 2k18 [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Day 1, Don't you worry, F/F, Fake Dating, also i don't usually hc beca's dad like this but it was necessary for the story, guys this got real angsty I'm sorry, homophobia tw, there is fluff though, written for bemily week 2018!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 00:44:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13938954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dc_wlw/pseuds/dc_wlw
Summary: Beca didn’t mean to monumentally fuck up.Really, she doesn’t even know how it happened.//written for bemily week 2018!!day 1: fake dating





	hold me close and i won't leave (cause it hurts when you hurt somebody)

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all so excited to start off bemily week
> 
> this got super long sorry not sorry
> 
> enjoy!

**Fake Dating AU**

 

x.

 

Beca didn’t mean to monumentally fuck up. 

 

Really, she doesn’t even know how it happened.

 

(Okay, that’s a lie. Of course she knows how it happened. She was an idiot for thinking her dad could change, and she may have just hurt one of the best things in her life, but hey, that's just a regular Tuesday for Beca Mitchell.)

 

She had good intentions, she swears. But, as with most things in her life, her night really hadn’t gone to plan. 

 

She didn’t just hurt Emily. No, it doesn’t work that way. Now  _ her _ heart is aching at the sight of this girl, her goddamn light in the darkness, standing in front of her, tears hiding behind her eyes, not daring to spill over; an act of self-preservation, Beca thinks. She knows the feeling.

 

She just go so caught up in her own shit that she didn’t see what her stupid, dumb, idiotic plan was doing to Emily. The plan that literally had  _ one _ objective: make Emily fall in love with her.

 

(Okay, so it was more like ‘make Emily want to go on a  _ real  _ date with her’, but honestly in Beca’s mind, the two go hand in hand.)

 

_ Maybe asking someone to be your fake girlfriend for a night isn’t exactly the best way to start a relationship, dumbass. _

 

But what does she know. She’s never been any good at relationships. Just ask her dad.

 

//

 

i.

 

“Hey Beca, do we have any -”

 

“Be my girlfriend.”

 

“- cereal left, or did Lilly lock it in her freezer again?”

 

Emily’s rummaging through the cupboards as she asks the question, but she doesn’t really listen out for an answer, because she’s already pretty sure the answer to her question is yes.

 

She closes the final cupboard door, a frown forming on her face as she laments the loss of her favourite breakfast food (nay, favourite food, period), and also because Beca kind of looks like she wants to disappear into the void, and it’s a little disconcerting, because Beca doesn’t do embarrassed.

 

For a second Emily can’t quite place the feeling starting to grow in her stomach, until she feels a lump form in her throat and a sudden realisation dawns on her like its 5am and she’s just woken up.

 

If she’d just taken a sip of water, she’d have spit it out.

 

“I - I’m... you - what?” she stammers, and her heart is racing at a thousand miles a minute, her mind already on overdrive trying to convince her she’d painfully misheard.

 

“I mean  _ pretend _ to be my girlfriend! Sorry, I can totally see how that could be misleading,” Beca begins to ramble, seemingly trying to backtrack and act cool despite being pretty much the exact opposite. “God, that must’ve sounded weird, that’s -”

 

“How is ‘pretend to be my girlfriend’ with no context any less weird?” Emily interjects.

 

“I -” Beca starts. “Fair point.”

 

There’s a moment where they both stand there, in the morning light of the kitchen, Beca staring up at the cupboards like they might swing open at any second and hit her in the head for being such an idiot, and Emily staring intently at Beca as she thinks over the whirlwind of events that was the last five minutes.

 

It’s simple really, her answer. She doesn’t even question it when it comes out of her mouth without permission.

 

“Okay.”

 

If Emily was stunned before, Beca is absolutely floored by her response. If her dad could see her now, he’d tell her to pick her chin up off the floor or she’d catch flies.

 

“You - seriously? You don’t even know why I asked you yet,” Beca asks animatedly, and there’s already a smile growing on her face.

 

“Well I’ve never been anyone’s fake girlfriend before, I want to cross it off my bucket list,” Emily replies boldly with a grin, and Beca bites her lip to keep herself from laughing out of pure joy.

 

She really hadn’t expected Emily to say yes. Like, seriously, she’s not even sure why she asked under the crushing fear of rejection.

 

(If she had any sense, she’d probably see that it’s because no one who’s seen the two of them in a room together could deny that Emily likes her back.)

 

“Okay then,” Beca finally manages. “I - I asked you ‘cause Barden throws this, like, event every year to honor a professor for, like, outstanding achievement, or whatever, and for some reason they picked my dad this year - god knows why - and he’s forcing me to go, and also to bring a date ‘cause he’s a dick like that, and I kind of accidentally told him I was seeing someone, and you were the first person I thought to ask in my moment of panic.”

 

It’s a mouthful, but she doesn’t falter for a second, and Emily is standing there clinging onto every word for fear of missing one. She furrows her brows skeptically for a moment, but as she deciphers what Beca just shot at her, her face softens and she seems to accept it. 

 

And suddenly the smile is back on her face as she cheerily asks, “Cool, so when is it?”

 

“This Saturday. It’s really close to campus, so we’ll be in and out in like 10 minutes. Maybe more like an hour. I don’t know how easy it is to sneak out of the venue unnoticed, we’ll have to play it by ear.”

 

“Awesome. Can’t wait,” Emily calls over her shoulder, having started heading up to her room, totally  _ not _ to scream into her pillow, but obviously to study. For college. Which she attends.

 

(Shut up.)

 

Beca would do the same, but Emily’s already taken upstairs, so Beca has her victory moment right there in the kitchen, but she nearly knocks a glass off the bench, so she decides to keep her excitement internal for the time being.

 

She thinks she might have finally found a reason to enjoy a situation in which she and her dad occupy the same room.

 

//

 

ii.

 

For the near-week that follows, Beca is a nervous wreck. She’s started to see the flaws in her plan and now she thinks she’s made a grave mistake.

 

Well, sort of. ‘Cause every time she sees Emily, whether it be passing through the kitchen in the morning, or talking in-depth about music into the wee hours of the morning (as they’ve started to do more and more often), she can’t help the smile that crosses her face.

 

(And trust her, she’d really like to stop smiling and seeing Chloe’s shit-eating grin in reaction, but she can’t. Because she’s  _ Emily _ . That girl could light up a room that she was standing outside of through a shitty public-bathroom style window.)

 

When the day finally comes, Beca thinks she might actually die from oxygen deprivation, because she can’t stop hyperventilating every 10 minutes when the thought of seeing her father and going on a date with Emily so much as crosses her mind.

 

Okay, she knows it’s not a real date, but a girl can dream, right?

 

5pm rolls around and she has to muster every ounce of courage she’s physically capable of to make herself start getting ready. She pokes her head into Emily’s room on her way to the bathroom to remind her (and check if she wants to back out last-minute), but the taller brunette just takes her headphones off and stands up from her keyboard with a smile and says, “I’ll be ready to leave at 6.”

 

The interaction somehow makes Beca both less and more worried, which is really just fucking with her head at this point.

 

She doesn’t see Emily until an hour later after she’s finished stressing about how stupid she looks in the dress she’s wearing (she’d never hear the end of it from her dad if she wore jeans like she’s desperate to), and she’s waiting in the living room for Emily, the Uber app open on her phone.

 

It’s when she starts pacing across the divide between the living room and the bottom of the stairs, overthinking, that Emily appears (from, like, the void or something, seriously she comes out of nowhere) at the top of the stairs.

 

Beca feels her heart lodge someway up her throat, because Emily looks stunning. Not just stunning; ethereal. She looks like a damn Greek goddess, and Beca’s a little too gay for this, so it slips out of her mouth before she knows she’s thinking it.

 

“You look -”

 

“I know, I look ridiculous. It’s too much, is it too much? I can go change -”

 

“I was gonna say breathtaking.”

 

There’s a moment, where Beca takes in the beauty that stands before her, and Emily realises she’s never seen Beca in a dress (and something similar is going through her head about Beca’s beauty), and they both forget their own names. It’s really something to behold, from an outsider’s perspective.

 

More specifically, from the perspective of Chloe Beale, who’d been coming down to get some herbal tea when she noticed her two idiots in this exchange, and she almost feels like she’s intruding on something. Never one to dwell, though, Chloe face breaks into a grin and she coughs obnoxiously to announce her presence.

 

“Oh hey, guys, you off on your date?” she smirks, and the look on Beca’s face is one she never wants to forget, because she has never looked so lost in her own head in the entire time they’ve known each other.

 

“Fake-date,” Emily adds, and she seems happy enough, but Chloe Beale doesn’t have so many friends by not understanding how people tick. But it doesn’t take Chloe Beale to recognise that Emily would much rather this date be much less fake.

 

Beca finally snaps out of her thoughts and reminds Chloe through a not-so-subtle glare that she’s totally  _ not _ in love with Emily, despite how much Chloe would like to think she is.

 

“Oh? My mistake, that was just Beca’s ‘gay disaster’ face, but it must have just been for me,” Chloe says with a wink to beca, who really doesn’t need another reason to want to disappear from existence on this undoubtedly soon to be very tense night.

 

“That was not - I don’t have a - you know what, we’re running late, we should go,” Beca spits out, turning towards the door before Chloe gets the satisfaction of eye contact.

 

“You kids have fun!” Chloe calls out from behind them as Beca summons their Uber, and she’s really glad Emily found her way in front of her so she doesn’t witness Chloe mouthing the words, “You love her!” and making honestly really childish kissy faces at her from halfway up the stairs. 

 

Beca mentally hopes Chloe trips down the rest of the stairs as she closes the door behind her.

 

//

 

iii.

 

They arrive at the event hall at 6:15 for a 6:30 start, mainly because Beca thinks that the earlier they get there, the earlier they can get the hell out.

 

They’re walking up the stairs to the foyer when Emily catches Beca off guard.

 

“Why did you tell your dad you had a girlfriend?”

 

Beca stops in her tracks for a fraction of a second before catching herself and continuing forward, hoping that Emily didn’t notice.

 

She opens her mouth to say something, but stops herself when she realises she was about to brush off the question to avoid an awkward conversation. Usually that would be her default, but for some reason it feels wrong to lie to Emily.

 

“Oh, you know, because he’s an asshole and assumed I didn’t have anyone to bring, and I wanted to prove him wrong,” is what she comes up with. “That’s kind of my thing,” she adds with a somewhat bitter laugh. It’s true, which stumps her for a second because she’s usually violently opposed to being open with people.

 

(She wonders where she gets that from.”

 

“And I didn’t. Tell him I had a girlfriend, I mean, I just told him I was seeing someone.”

 

There she goes again, admitting her feelings. It’s going to take some getting used to.

 

Emily goes to ask another question, and honestly beca would have rathered answer it than do what comes next, but this is an event for her dad, so here goes.

 

“Beca! You made it,” Brian Mitchell calls from across the foyer.

 

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice!” Beca replies with mock cheerfulness when they meet in the middle of the room. Her dad just rolls his eyes as he leans in for a hug.

 

It would be so nice, Beca thinks fleetingly, if any of this were real.

 

Her pipe dream is shattered when she sees her father do a search of the room around her with his eyes. His eyes finally land on Emily, and beca can see the hoping-against-god realisation that Beca brought Emily as her date, and not the guy the thought might be hiding in the shadows.

 

“Dad, this is Emily,” Beca starts somewhat abruptly. “My date.”

 

She can practically see the gears turning in his head, and can hear full well the sharp intake of breath as he musters up the strength to keep his thoughts to himself and be civil enough to introduce himself.

 

“Emily! It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and a brisk handshake.

 

“The pleasure is mine, Professor Mitchell, thank you for inviting me,” Emily replies, and a wave of sadness washes over Beca as she sees the sincerity in Emily’s eyes and realises she may have made a horrible mistake in bringing her.

 

Thankfully, the encounter is over as soon as it began when one of Professor Mitchell’s colleagues mercifully takes him away from the two girls.

 

“Well he’s… an intense guy,” Emily breathes out, and it shouldn’t be funny how Emily couldn’t say a bad word against anyone who wasn’t Donald Trump, but it kind of is.

 

“You can say he’s an ass, Em, I won’t hold it against you,” Beca says teasingly, small grins spreading across both of their faces.

 

“No he’s not an ass, he just seems a little…” she thinks for a moment, before settling on, “distant.”

 

“Well hey now you see where I get it from,” Beca replies, but the grin is starting to fade from her face.

 

“Beca, you’re not distant, you’re just… guarded,” she says, and it feels like a small act of fate that their eyes link in that very moment, because Beca feels like Emily’s looking right into her soul, and she thinks that if she were that kind of person, the tears would well behind her eyes.

 

Instead, she just tears her gaze away from Emily and a small smile graces her lips, and it’s an odd feeling that Beca’s not sure whether she enjoys or not.

 

Beca would think Emily didn’t notice if she didn’t know that somehow, Emily knew exactly what she was thinking at any given moment, like she could read her like a literal open book.

 

“Hey, so there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” is what breaks the silence. The question makes Beca kind of uneasy, but it’s Emily, so what could really go wrong?

 

“What is it?”

 

“So…” she starts, and it’s not like Emily to be lost for words, but she seems like she’s choosing her words very carefully. “I know that you’re gay, I mean you don’t try to hide it, and Chloe brings it up every time you leave a room,” she continues, and Beca feels a comfort in knowing that people knowing that fact about her is something that hasn’t made her feel uncomfortable in years. “I guess I’m just wondering if that was why your dad was so… tense earlier?”

 

That, however, has a different kind of power over Beca. She doesn’t answer right away. She’s not offended by the question, but she’s not quite sure how to go about answering it.

 

Emily takes Beca’s silence as a sign that she’s made a terrible mistake by asking, and she’s about to desperately try and take it back when Beca cuts her off.

 

“Uh, yeah,” she starts with a sigh. “He’s always been sort of… unsupportive is kind of a weak word to describe it, more like outright homophobic, so suffice it to say I’m sure he’s not thrilled that I brought you here.”

 

“So why did you, then? Bring me here?”

 

It’s that same look they share that makes Beca think that Emily can see right into her soul that tells beca that she can’t run from this one.

 

“I… I invited you because I like you,” Beca breathes out, and in what seems like an inappropriate moment of humour for the situation, Beca thinks how proud Chloe would be to know that she’s not running away.

 

“Like me as in, we live together with eight other girls so I have to like you, or like me as in I want to date you?” Emily asks at almost a whisper, and Beca can tell she’s holding her breath s she waits for the answer.

 

“I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to say it for you to know how I feel,” Beca says, matching Emily’s whisper, and in an unexpected turn of events, she’s smiling as she says it (which, honestly, is neither how she nor Chloe had predicted it would happen should Beca ever stop being an idiot and ask Emily out. Both had predicted a lot more terror).

 

To her surprise, Emily’s smiling too.

 

“Oh no, actually it’s a new rule of mine, you actually have to verbally ask me on a date for me to acknowledge your feelings,” Emily says, and it’s with an air of playful banter mixed with sincerity that prompts beca’s answer.

 

“I thought I already did,” Beca chuckles.

 

Emily lets out what sounds to Beca a lot like a sigh of relief, which it seems gives her the courage to adopt a coy smile as she says, “Mmm, yeah, I don’t know, I think I’d need to… hear it again, just to be sure.”

 

“Emily Junk, will you go on a date with me?” Beca replies instantly, and Emily honestly wasn’t ready for it.

 

“Yeah, I - of co- I - I’d love to. Yes,” she stammers, and if she could, Beca would revel in that moment until the night was over, but it seems a much more cruel twist of fate lies ahead of her.

 

Her father seems to have finished chatting up his colleagues and schmoozing donors for the time being, and also seemed to have downed another few glasses of scotch, because the next thing Beca knows, he’s appearing behind her and clasping a hand around her arm.

 

“I need to talk to you,” he whispers aggressively in her ear. “Alone,” he spits with a look up at Emily, whose smile drops instantly from her face, and Beca thinks she sees the light in her eyes dim slightly when she realises the reason behind his anger, and it becomes damn near impossible for Beca to put up will his bullshit for a second longer.

 

He pulls her aside and turns her around to face him. Emily steps forward instinctively and looks caught in a battle about whether to stay put or be by Beca’s side.

 

“What were you thinking bringing  _ her _ here?” her father snaps, his voice at a whisper low enough that people can’t overhear them, but loud enough to be heard loud and clear by Beca and Emily. “I told you, I won’t tolerate this behaviour any longer.”

 

“This behavior? God, dad, I didn’t realise we were still living in the 90’s,” Beca spits back, her tolerance for bullshit lowering by the second.

 

She almost waits for him to get in the next word. Almost. But she’s not a kid anymore, and she just wants to get Emily the hell out of there, so she makes it quick.

 

“I can not keep doing this with you! You were the one who told me to come, who  _ made  _ me bring a date, and I did. I showed up, I brought a date.”

 

“You know full well that this little  _ stunt _ is not what I had in mind!”

 

They’re still speaking in loud whispers, and Beca’s not sure whether she’s grateful or not that no one can hear them.

 

“I  _ knew _ that something like this would happen! You can’t go  _ one day _ seeing me without telling me there’s something wrong with me -”

 

“Because this is not who you are Beca!”

 

“- and I am done trying to please you! I’m done trying to spite you, I’m done trying to make you love me, okay, I’m done,” she declares, and it takes everything in her not to yell it out to all of his colleagues, all of the people he tries so hard to impress. But she doesn’t want to make a scene. She just wants to get out of there.

 

She turns on her heel and walks as fast as she can through the foyer without drawing attention to herself.

 

“Beca, wait!” Emily calls after her, and it doesn’t take her long to catch up with Beca (her stride is like, double Beca’s).

 

They reach the foot of the stairs, Beca showing no signs of slowing down, and Emily has to race in front of her to stop her going further than outside the door.

 

“Beca, stop, please,” Emily breathes, and if it weren’t for the way her voice soothed Beca’s racing heart, she might not have stopped.

 

Beca’s breaths are ragged, and there are tears that have already made track down her cheeks, despite her best defences.

 

She doesn’t say a word. Neither does Emily, not for a while. They both just stand there in silence, pressed against the wall outside the doors of the event hall.

 

Beca can’t bring herself to look Emily in the eyes for what feels like a very long time. She feels like if she does, Emily will see her, really, truly her, at her very worst.

 

It’s not until she hears a shaky breath leave Emily that she knows means Emily is very nearly at her breaking point that she can bring herself to look up into Emily’s eyes.

 

When she sees the tears that cloud Emily’s eyes, she honestly feels ashamed. Ashamed that she was the idiot who thought maybe her father could last one night without saying anything, just one night. And because she had to prove him wrong, to spite him, she had caused pain to this girl, this paragon of innocence

 

She didn’t just hurt Emily. No, it doesn’t work that way. Now  _ her _ heart is aching at the sight of this girl, her goddamn light in the darkness, standing in front of her, tears hiding behind her eyes, not daring to spill over; an act of self-preservation, Beca thinks. She knows the feeling.

 

“I’m sorry,” Beca breathes out. “I am so sorry. I -” 

 

Suddenly these are the only things she can think to say. The only words that matter.

 

“It’s okay,” Emily sighs. “We’re okay.”

 

Beca thinks she sees the light returning to Emily’s eyes. 

 

_ Okay _ , she thinks.  _ It’s okay. _

 

She actually thinks it might be.

 

//

 

iv.

 

They make their way back to the Bella house in silence. Beca doesn’t know when they started walking. All she knows is that Emily’s hand is in hers and their tears are all back at bay.

 

The fear that clouded her mind is ebbing away. Slowly but surely. She doesn’t think it would be possible without Emily’s hand in hers. They haven’t spoken since Emily said they were okay. They silently decided not to catch an Uber home. They both needed the air.

 

Beca doesn’t even notice they’ve reached the Bella house until the flashlight on Emily’s phone is being turned off, and then Beca’s stopping in her tracks.

 

Emily doesn’t see her stop, but feels her hand being pulled back as she keeps walking.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

It’s the first thing either of them have said.

 

“I just… I wanted to thank you,” Beca says, and her voice is barely more than a whisper.

 

“For what?”

 

“For staying with me.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Emily replies.

 

"I just - I need to know that you're okay."

 

"I'm fine. Honestly, you put too much pressure on yourself. I'm okay, Becs, seriously," Emily adds, and she’s a bit caught off guard when Beca chuckles back.

 

“Did you just call me Becs?” she asks, slightly incredulous.

 

“Yeah?” Emily asks, confused. “Is that a problem?”

 

Beca chuckles again. “No, I - I actually think it’s nice.”

 

Emily smiles, and it is such a good feeling to smile back at Beca, because Emily is almost physically incapable of going more than an hour without smiling, and it’s a relief to see Beca feeling comfortable again, so she tugs at her hand slightly, pulling her closer towards her.

 

“Well get used to it then.”

 

Another smile.

 

They’re standing closer than they ever have, and Beca is awed by the fact that it feels warm just standing this close to Emily, and she thinks she might never want to leave her side.

 

It’s a moment that feels so safe and calm, and Emily can’t help but reach out and tuck Beca’s hair behind her ear. Beca leans into her hand, and Emily’s eyes search Beca’s, for what, neither of them are sure. Emily feels Beca’s breath hitch when she realises how close they are, and everything just feels like it falls into place. Emily closes her eyes and leans forward slightly, waiting for Beca yo close the gap - but she’s surprised when Beca’s hand reaches her lips instead.

 

“We have company,” Beca whispers, and Emily can hear her smile in her voice. Emily opens her eyes, and Beca motions her head towards the house. Emily follows her motion and sees a very poorly hidden group of Bellas peering through the windows beside the front door, so poorly hidden, in fact, that Emily’s not even sure they’re trying to hide. A very cocky Chloe stands at the front of the group, her expression a mix of shock and excitement, and an air of “I knew it!” that makes Beca think she won’t be hearing the end of this for the rest of her life.

 

“That’s not gonna stop me from kissing you,” Emily smiles, and it is so pure that Beca has to take a moment to question what she did to deserve someone like Emily. She’s pulled out of her thoughts by soft hands reaching up to cup her face, gentle thumbs brushing over her cheeks.

 

She feels Emily’s lips meet her own and hears a very muffled but persistent cheer from inside the house that pulls a warmth from the depth of her chest, and she can’t help but smile into Emily’s lips. They break apart as soft chuckles escape Beca that ignite a similar smile on Emily's face

 

It’s not a feeling she’s felt a lot in her life, but she thinks she knows what it means.

 

After tonight, she  _ knows  _ what it means.

 

It’s family. And she’s not planning on letting it go any time soon.

 

There's a part of her that's still mad at herself for getting Emily caught in the crossfire, but she's starting to think maybe Emily's right. Maybe she does put too much pressure on herself. She thinks it might be time to start letting herself off the hook.

 

She feels Emily’s hand slip into her own and sees the small smile on her face, both pulling her towards the house.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if you liked it! comments always appreciated!!
> 
> join me on tumblr @annakenendrick for all my bemily week stuff, not sure if i'll post it all on ao3


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